It’s bedtime again at the “Lane’s place” and once again each partner goes to their respective sides of the bed, turns toward the wall and starts reading. Not saying a word, not sharing a touch, not even acknowledging that either is right next to each other.
Each on its own schedule, they eventually shut their lamp off and go to sleep. This same scene has been happening over and over. This is their life and this is their bedtime routine.
Sound a bit like your relationship these days?
Remember what it was like years ago? You had the communication. You had the touches, the many touches. And you also had the affection and intimacy. You crave for that feeling again.
Through time things changed. Every day that goes by those things you craved seem to just fade away. First it was no affection or intimacy. Then because one of the partners felt resentment toward the other, the other things went away. No television watching, no saying even good night and the next thing you know.. you are roommates even though you know what you had and want it again, badly.
So what can or should couples do if they want to get their relationship back to what it was just years ago?
The first thing I would recommend as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist serving the entire state of Florida through online and face to face counseling is couples counseling. Contact a professional who works specifically with couples and has a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.
Second, try to recall what it was that brought you two together in the first place. There was something. Every relationship at one point was good. A lot of us forget how the love started because we concentrate on so many of the bad things that are going on now. So think back, was it going to wine tastings? How about cuddling on the couch watching a show or movie? Just talking about life? Was it travel.. maybe head back to that place in St. Augustine or Clearwater Beach.
Third, communicate. What would you talk about before you had kids? How about what you discussed before going to bed? What are each of your interests? Do you even acknowledge each other when you arrive home? Share you day, ask questions of each other.
Fourth, show appreciation of each other. When one goes beyond the routine of the past months, let your partner know that you enjoyed what they did. If you see any slight improvement, let your partner know that you noticed it.
Bringing back that intimacy into your relationship will require work.
But with the recommendations above and talking with a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, you could be on the road to having the relationship you once had again.