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Ins and Outs of Intimacy

We know men and women think differently about many things.

The definition of intimacy is no different.

When a woman mentions the word intimacy in a relationship most men will think about intercourse, but she will think about the connection.

Intimacy is defined as a closeness, a connection to your partner, knowing someone deeply and being able to be complete. You might even feel like you two are the only ones in the world at that time.

Intimacy can come in many forms.

    • Sexual Intimacy
      This can take place if:
      1. You’re able to be open, honest and naked around each other with the lights on
      2. You are aware of your partner’s sex dreams, insecurities, temptations, turn-ons and turn-offs
      3. You enjoy being assaulted (in a good way) or ambushed by your partner out of nowhere
      4. You understand each other’s sexual needs
      5. You are open to communication; you can openly express what you like without judgment and what brings each other pleasure


    • Emotional Intimacy
      Are you able to talk with your partner about any and all things and know you will not be judged? Can you talk and express your innermost thoughts, boundaries, feelings? When you feel hurt, pain, joy, disappointment and even crying in front of each other. Sharing and being comfortable discussing each other’s hopes, dreams, desires and worries are an indicator of emotional intimacy.


    • Intellectual Intimacy
      Do you know your partner’s favorite artist or book? What are your partners strong topics (football, politics, history, designers, etc.)? What’s in the bucket list? Have they always wanted to return to NYC and want to share it with you? Start planning that getaway. You are trading thoughts, things you care and are passionate about.


    • Physical Intimacy
      Not sexual intimacy but more like affection… holding hands, making out, cuddling, spooning in bed, maybe even a massage.


    • Spiritual Intimacy
      Do you worship as a couple? Do you believe the same? Do you pray before meals? Spiritual intimacy can include sharing morals, values, beliefs, religious views, ethics, walking and exploring nature around you.


    • Creative intimacy
      Are you creative in showing your partner how you feel about them? It’s important to let your partner know they are loved and appreciated. How about hand-written notes about the things you like about them? Maybe it would be an extra-long kiss in the morning.
      Think out of the box, let him/her know they are very special to you.
      Do you know their love language? Ask them, they might even know. If not, take a quick quiz A love language is when your partner feels the most love and their heart beats a bit faster.


    • Safety
      Do you always feel safe and secure around them? Can you be vulnerable with each other? Has fidelity been talked about? Do you trust they will have your back? Are they even a bit territorial? Do you trust them around your kids alone?


  • Unconditional love
    This is loving someone no matter what he/she does and no matter what happens you will always love him/her without reservations, without waiting for anything in return. You do it BECAUSE you want to do it, not because you’re expecting them to do the same.

In my next blog, I will discuss how to help create that intimacy in your relationship.