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Married… But Still Feel Alone?

You had an amazing time dating, then got engaged and was so looking forward to a great future with your spouse.  Then, as time passed after walking down the aisle, you realized that this marriage has changed.  You know longer spend quality time together.  One goes one way, the other the other way.  You live in the same house but seem to live in different worlds.  You feel alone, not wanted.  Even the fun you had in the bedroom is gone.  It’s now always ‘bed time’ where you get in bed, pull up the covers and turn away from your partner.

Here’s how I have helped clients at my private practice, the Trinity Relationship Center, turn aloneness back into excitement.

You have to give attention to get attention.  Don’t always wait for your partner to make the first move.  Maybe they are waiting for you.  That could be taking their hand to hold, giving a small kiss on the cheek or simply striking up a conversation about them.  Ask about their hopes, fears, and dreams.  Ask what you would like to be asked.  You need to reconnect and conversation will help you get there.  Be the model of change.

Be loving. Besides talking, communicate in other ways. How about writing a simple text saying, “I love you! Hope you are having a great day”!  How about emailing a funny picture of you two to remind them about the great times you have had together.  What about writing a little note and sticking it on the refrigerator.  These little messages are HUGE in a marriage or any relationship.

Have a social life.  Get out of the house!  Chatting it up with an old friend or a new one can drastically help.  I recommend doing a google search to see which events or activities there are in your community.  Who knows, maybe you’ll find something that your partner is even interested in!

As a Marriage Therapist who uses a Solution-Focused approach, my goal is to help you build a new life, a new beginning with your partner.  We will work together to find solutions, not only focus on problems.  Sometimes couples lose sight of what brought them together in the first place.  Every couple that meets with me wants their relationship to be better and with a conversation of hope and the possibility of change, anything is possible.  I have seen numerous couples in sessions tear up from being so happy about getting their partner back.

No doubt seeing a couple reconnect is the most enjoyable part of my job.