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Repeated Infidelity: How Much Is Too Much?

For many partners who have been cheated on even once, the thought of more infidelity from that relationship is unthinkable. Unfortunately, it does happen.

Studies show between 10 and 20 percent of couples in committed relationships sexually cheat on their spouse or significant other. Because of so many other ways to cheat besides physical contact, this can happen through webcams, instant messaging, instant pornography and much more.

How much is too much infidelity for one person to take in a relationship?

The first time infidelity hurt a lot. It was years ago but you still remember the pain, the betrayal, the loss of trust, the heartache, the questions you had about it all. It has taken time to reconnect, rebuild and restore trust in your relationship again.

Then, years later you discover your spouse cheated again and this time, a major life change. A child was conceived. During pregnancy, she was not forthcoming about who else the father might be. You knew you two were not having much sex, but it could have happened right? You already had one child together. Since the biological father did not want to be involved in raising of the child, your partner asks you to step up and you accept.

Not only did she cheat once and you worked on recovering from that, but now again and she even had a child?

Would you stay or go?

Would your love survive?

Could you raise another man’s child from an affair during your marriage?

And just recently you see on your credit card statement, a trip to a hotel. Your wife does not mention it to you in conversations, so you bring it up. She admits going but will not share anymore. What is she hiding? Is it possible she is cheating again? Is she a compulsive philanderer?

Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share:

  • Past behavior is a good indication of future acts and behavior. Research shows a partner that has cheated before is likely to cheat again.
  • Your partner does not think they have to follow society’s rules. The world is a competitive market. They feel a sense of entitlement.
  • They will not own their actions. They believe it is the other person’s fault why they cheat. They will blame you for not taking care of yourself, not having enough sex or whatever. Once you stop giving them what they want, instead of talking about it, they go find someone else to fulfill that role.

Every time your partner cheats you will probably go through the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
But this time, after 3 known times of infidelity and maybe even more, these stages take on a more critical view.

Was everything you worked on before just a lie?

Does she even care for your relationship?

Are you supposed to accept another bout of cheating?

What does this say about you and your self-worth?

Maybe the biggest question of all for you is… should you stay or go?

If you still have hope in repairing your relationship, contact a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in marriage/couples counseling immediately to start the healing process.