Since the 1970s, LGBTQ people in this country have been fighting; fighting for equal rights and fighting to dismantle the stereotype that their relationships have no intrinsic value.
The truth is, LGBTQ relationships can be just as loving and committed as heterosexual ones. And they can also have similar challenges to heterosexual relationships as far as finances, parenting, household chores and so on.
There are, however, certain conflicts and interests that are unique to same-sex couples.
In heterosexual relationships, there is a clear boundary marked by sex. For instance, a woman may spend a “night out with the girls” without creating feelings of insecurity in her male partner. Similarly, a man could spend the day watching the football game with his best guy friend and there would be no issue.
If however, she wanted to hang out with an ex-boyfriend or he was helping a female coworker train for a marathon, there may be some tension.
This tension is commonplace for same-sex couples as most friends and exes are of the same sex.
Same-sex partners cannot expect to spend 100% of the time together. And in fact, it is healthy to spend time apart. But I always suggest to my clients that they set some definitive rules at the beginning of the relationship and have open and honest conversations so feelings don’t get hurt and both parties are heard.
Out VS Not Out
Same-sex couples have another unique issue and that is that each partner may have a different level of comfort as far as being open about their homosexuality. For instance, one partner may be completely “out of the closet” and want to show physical affection in public while the other may not be as out or comfortable.
I help my clients communicate with one another so each party can express what they need in these situations. Every person is entitled to develop their feelings of ease in this regard in their own way and own time.
Many same-sex couples wish to start a family just as heterosexual couples do. But it can be stressful and frustrating when running into situations where non-inclusive language is the norm. For instance, your child is repeatedly told by their teacher, “Bring this permission slip home to your mommy and daddy.” Or when a man is in the park pushing his baby in a stroller and a well-meaning passerby says, “Aw, adorable, does he look like you or your wife?” Over time, these situations can really wear a person down.
Being in a committed couple is challenging, no matter the sex of each partner, and you are certain to run into your fair share of conflicts. How you handle them is what makes the difference between a strong, healthy relationship and one that ends in ugliness.
If you and your partner are struggling with any issues and would like to speak with someone who can help, please reach out to me.